Hannah Vaughan-Spruce – Consecrated Virgin
I was born into a Catholic family, faithfully attending Mass every Sunday but, like many Catholic teenagers, not aware of the fullness of life available to me through a relationship with Jesus. It was only on attending (very reluctantly) a Youth 2000 retreat aged 17 that I experienced a life-changing personal conversion. Over the space of a weekend, I knew that Jesus was real, that he was present in the Eucharist, and that he loved me passionately and unconditionally. I confessed all my sins wholeheartedly for the first time in Confession. From that weekend onwards, my life was changed, and I was head over heels in love. I went from being a confused and searching teen, to someone who prayed the Rosary and tried to attend Mass whenever she could. One by one my sisters and eventually my whole family attended Youth 2000, and the experience changed us as a family.
In the months after that first retreat, the Lord led me deeper into his love, to a point where, in the church while praying before Mass one day, I sensed his words speak distinctively in my heart, “I want all of you for myself.” Those words have never left me.
Of course, I thought he must be calling me to be a nun. Over the next few years, I studied Theology at the University of Cambridge, and during that time, with the help of spiritual direction, I discerned a possible vocation to religious life. I graduated with a First-class degree, but a few months later, was in a Poor Clare monastery as a postulant. The next 18 months were a profound experience. Living as part of a beautiful, loving contemplative community, and living a deeply intense life of prayer, changed my heart and healed much in my interior world that was broken. By the end of those 18 months, I had a clear realisation in spiritual direction that, just as Jesus had called me into the community, he was now calling me out. I see this as a second conversion that happened in my life: a realisation that I would become fully the person he called me to be only when living in the world.
Through my twenties, I lived in London and worked for a parish and then for a diocese. Throughout that time, whenever I had the courage to pay attention to the deep, still voice within, I knew that Jesus was still calling me to a celibate vocation – but lived in the midst of the world. If I was honest, it was frightening. I did not know any women living such a life, except a few in secular institutes, but I didn’t feel called to belong to any of them. I continued for a number of years discerning through spiritual direction, attending retreats, and continue to grow deeper in union with the Lord. This period could be hard at times. I wondered if I was mistaken, if I’d ‘missed’ something, if really I was supposed to be married, or whether I would end up taking a private vow of celibacy, which somehow didn’t feel ‘enough’. But the Lord upheld me through those years and held me steadfast.
Finally, aged 31, I came across an article in Cosmopolitan magazine. Even now I laugh that it took a secular magazine to introduce me to my vocation! The magazine featured a young American consecrated virgin, with the headline, ‘I am happily married to God.’ I was blown away. As I read her story, I knew that everything about consecrated virginity was what I had been searching for all those long years. A vocation lived in the world, completely consecrated to Jesus, a contemplative yet apostolic calling firmly rooted in the diocese and serving the local Church. This was ‘me’!
It didn’t take me long after this to reach out to my archbishop. He connected me to the vicar of religious in my diocese and we began a process of discernment and then formation that lasted a number of years. On November 1st, 2019, I was consecrated as a bride of Christ at St George’s Cathedral, Southwark. After my baptism, this was the greatest day of my whole life!
I recently celebrated my fifth anniversary, and I am in awe at all God has done the last five years. At one point in my twenties when I thought maybe there was no definite call for me other than remaining single in the world, I would have barely believed all that God would do for me! Jesus’ choice of me as his bride, his jealous love of me, and daily life lived intimately with my Divine Spouse has brought more joy than I could ever have imagined. The love he pours into my heart gives me an availability for every person he puts in my daily path. The consecrated virgin really is free to be given for others. My best friends are extraordinary consecrated virgin friends around the world with whom I share deep relationship and ability to share life together, even remotely. We podcast together at Wildflower Reunion on how we live our vocation. Tune in to learn more about the ancient vocation of consecrated virginity.

Hannah is Executive Director of Global Mission for Divine Renovation Ministry, a Catholic ministry supporting the renewal of thousands of parishes around the world. Find out more at www.divinerenovation.org